:'(

Dear Guni,

These few days are really a bad days for me..
Everyday I am in bad mood...
I feel so helpless...
I feel that I have no friend...
I feel that in this world no one love me...
I feel that I am good for nothing..
Everyone hates me...No one understand me....

Ever since i went to Thailand with you the relationship between me and my family are not good...
They feel very upset because i tell lies to them just wanted to Thai with you...
My parents feel disappointed towards me and my brother think that I am a bitch....

10 mths had past my dad still don't talk to me...
My brother still hate me and disrespect me..
My mum... I think she don't love me that much anymore...

I always wonder maybe i really did a very bad thing in my previous life...
That's why I lost both of the things which are important in everyone life...

Am I wrong to love you?
I did pray to god not to let me get back to the class if there are not going to have any ending between me and you...
But I passed the exam and got to go back to that class...
As time goes by the feeling towards you getting stronger till I couldn't even get myself out....
I admit that I am wrong because I lied to my family and stubbornly go to Thailand with you...
I just want to have a good memory before we really fall apart...
Till now i still don't feel regret that I had go to Thailand with you... Never...I never ever going to regret about that....

It this suppose to be a test for me or it just karma?

Every single person in my family they all loved my brother...
No matter what he did they think it is ok...
They said he is teenager...He will change when he become mature...
When I tell my mum that he push me and pull me, my mum will just nag him for a while...
Then my brother will say he push me and pull me is because I show him a bad attitude...
But did he ever talk to me in a nice way? I doubt that...Seriously...
We used to be close to each other...But ever since i went to Thailand he don't respect me anymore...

Am I really wrong? Am I?
But I thought people always say that we should chase our dream...
We should confess to the person that we like?
But why this happen to me?

Now my dad don't talk to me, don't look at me...
My mum adore my brother more..whatever he want they give him, whenever he want them to fetch him they will...even he shout at my mum, my mum won't angry with him for a long time...maybe for 1 or 2 hours only...
My brother no more talking with me...I think he even feel suffocate to stay in the same place with me...

Now i really don't like to stay at home but I couldn't find a job now...
I really really don't want to stay at home..
I feel everyone in family hates me...They only talk with me when they need my help...

Guni, what should I do now?
You ignoring me...
My dad ignoring me...
My bro disrespect me...
My mum don't love me that much anymore...
What had happen to me?
What I should do right now?

Guni, why do I always wish you are beside me when all these happen to me?
I always miss you and think of you when I feel sad...
These few days I keep on dream about you....
What I should do?
What can I do now? :'(